If you’ve ever heard that little voice in your head whispering “You’re not doing enough,” “You should be more patient,” or “You’re not a good enough mum” - you’re definitely not alone.

As mums, we’re often our own harshest critics. That inner voice can creep in at the most vulnerable moments - after a tough school run, during a meltdown in the supermarket, or in the quiet after bedtime when you replay the day and wonder if you’ve done it “right.”

But here’s the truth: beating yourself up doesn’t make you a better mum - it just makes you feel worse.

Let’s talk about why that inner critic shows up, how to tame it, and what you can do to bring a little more kindness and compassion into the way you speak to yourself.

a picture of a woman shouting into a megaphone holding a sign saying stop. The wording says taming the inner critic a mum's guide to self compassion

Why Are Mums So Hard on Themselves?

Motherhood comes with a heavy load of expectations and many of them are completely unrealistic.

Social media certainly doesn’t help. We’re constantly shown the “perfect” mum: homemade bakes, spotless house, always calm, never cross. It’s no wonder we feel like we’re not measuring up.

In fact, studies show that 91% of mums experience self-doubt about their parenting. But here’s the beautiful flip side, research also shows that when we practise self-compassion, we’re not just helping ourselves. We’re teaching our children how to treat themselves with kindness too.

So if you’ve been stuck in a cycle of guilt and self-judgement, maybe it’s time to try a different approach.

5 Simple Tools to Quiet Your Inner Critic

1. Name That Voice

The inner critic loves to lurk in the background, whispering its not-so-helpful commentary. But when we name it, we take away some of its power.

Maybe yours is Judgy Janet or Perfectionist Polly? Giving it a name helps you separate yourself from that voice and remember that it’s just a thought, not the truth. Thoughts aren’t real.

2. Flip the Script

If your best friend came to you saying, “I’m failing,” would you agree with her? Of course not. You’d tell her she’s doing her best. So why not offer yourself the same compassion?

Next time you catch yourself saying, “I’m rubbish at this,” try flipping it to:
“I’m learning as I go, and that’s okay.”

It sounds simple, but reframing your thoughts like this can create a powerful shift.

3. Try the ‘Three Kind Things’ Rule

When the critic is loud, challenge it by saying three kind things about yourself. They don’t have to be big:

“I made my child smile today.”
“I remembered their PE kit.”
“I’m showing up, and that’s enough.”

Over time, this becomes a habit and those gentle words start to drown out the harsh ones.

4. Breathe and Reset

Stress fuels the inner critic, so take a moment to calm your nervous system:

Place your hand on your heart.
Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4, and exhale slowly for 6.
As you exhale, say something soothing like: “I am doing my best, and that’s enough.”

This small act can signal to your brain that you’re safe and helps quiet that critical inner voice.

5. Write Yourself a Permission Slip

Sometimes, you just need a little reminder that it’s okay to not be perfect.

Try writing yourself a permission slip:

“I give myself permission to rest when I need to.”
“I give myself permission to ask for help.”
“I give myself permission to be a good enough mum.”

Stick it somewhere you’ll see it often. It’s a gentle nudge to let yourself off the hook.

A Quick Reality Check

When your child looks at you, they don’t see a woman who needs to try harder.

They see mum - the one who cuddles them when they’re sad, cheers for them when they’re proud, and loves them unconditionally.

They won’t remember if the dinner was beans on toast or if the laundry piled up. What they’ll remember is how you made them feel. And that’s what matters most.

You Deserve the Same Kindness You Give

If there’s one thing you take away from this, let it be this: Your inner critic doesn’t get the final say.

You deserve to feel confident, supported, and kind to yourself because that’s what helps you show up as the mum you want to be.

If your inner critic feels louder than ever and you’re struggling to quiet it on your own, you’re not alone. This is exactly the kind of thing I support mums with using a blend of CBT, Clinical hypnosis, breathwork, mindfulness and practical tools to help you let go of guilt, calm that self-doubt, and feel more confident in yourself again.

Want to explore how I can support you? Book a free discovery call today and let’s have a chat. No pressure, just a warm welcome and a conversation about what you need.

You don’t have to do it all alone and you deserve support that actually works.

Taming the Inner Critic: A Mum’s Guide to Self-Compassion